I’m guessing you want people to like you right? Actually what you really should get good at is the art of having others impressed by you. Think about how cool that feeling would be. Once you finish talking to someone and leave, they are thinking “wow, that was interesting”. It’s all about the WOW factor.
If you don’t want to develop a personality like that then just stop reading, and go back to whatever you were doing. No big deal.
Good, so you are somewhat interested in what I have to say. Let me throw a quick example at you.
If a person tells one joke and makes others laugh, then people will attribute the laughter to the fact that the joke was funny. Now, if the same person keeps telling several jokes and they are all funny, what is the conclusion? THE PERSON IS FUNNY. It is no longer the the joke that gets the credit, but it’s the person who is labeled funny. (credit: mystery).
The above example is given just to make it clear that you can’t expect people to take interest in you based on just a line here or a tactic there. It has to be done in various combinations and flow smoothly.
Bottom line is this. If you want people to take interest in you, then you have to develop an interesting personality. Remember I talked about the need to be different than the average person? This is one of the central theme which will run throughout this blog, so get used to it.
I will now finally start providing good examples on what I know and do personally when talking with others.
Here is a very basic example of what could be said to lighten the mood during a conversation. Keep in mind that there is no such thing as one size fits all type of method. Don’t worry, once you start learning what I teach, you will develop a sense of understanding about what to say to the different types of people. You will become VERSATILE.
Seriously, don’t stress over it, give it some time.
Example:
Say that I am having a conversation with someone I don’t know too well, but I want this person to have positive feelings towards me. I find myself in this situation every so often where I might see some value in the other person that could prove to be beneficial (relax, a value can be anything, even the fact that they make me laugh).
I will paraphrase how the conversation would take place and provide pointers, and yes it is because I don’t feel like typing everything.
My goal during the conversation is to provide some sort of value which the other person can appreciate. This way I can bet that they wont forget me.
Anyways, I would use the following method to lower their guard against me. Feel free to copy it and change it to fit your personality. I don’t mind.
Somewhere during the conversation with this person, I would simply ask:
“Hey are you right handed?“.
The other person would usually respond with either a “Yes” or “No”. People rarely ask “why” and if they do, just say “I’m just curious“.
So once I get my answer, I would say “I knew it, I can tell that based on how you are moving your eyes while talking to me” Or you could even say “You fit the description based on your eye movements“.
The point is just to create curiosity with this person.
Before I continue, let me give you a quick 101 on eye movements. This is just a simple trick that works about 70% of the time. Its main purpose is to entertain, not to provide an educational certificate.
People have certain patterns to their eye movements. A right handed person USUALLY (not always) has the following characteristics:
If the eyes are looking up - They are visualizing
- Up and to the left
Visually constructed images (such as imagining a purple cow) - Up and to the right
Visually remembered images (such as their first bicycle)
If the eyes look horizontally to the left and right - They are remembering or constructing sounds
- To the left
Auditory constructed (such as remembering how their mother used to sing) - To the right
Auditory remembered (such as how their mother would sound if she talked like a cartoon character)
If the eyes look down and to their left - They are accessing their feelings.
If the eyes look down and to the right - They are talking to themselves
The left and right pattern can be reversed since people are different. But usually people always look up for visualizing, and when they are remembering sounds the eyes move either to the right or left. When they are talking to themselves the eyes are usually always looking down.
Based on this information you can have fun with people if you can figure out their eyes movement pattern. This can easily be done during a normal conversation. You can just throw questions at them and watch their eyes move. For more information on this you can check out the following three sites.
Great video of Darren catching people lying
Basic run through on eye movements
Another article if you care to read
Fact Check:
You can tell if people are interested in you by their eyes. They tend to widen and the pupil size increases. The opposite is true if they find you boring.
Back to our conversation.
After I give the person a few fun lessons on how the eye movements work (such as if people are lying, see video link above), I usually would end it in a manner that makes the person laugh.
Quick note: remember to not sound boring or heavily detailed. It’s just a fun conversation.
Finally I would end it by saying that usually when people show interest in you, their eyes widen and pupil size increases, but if they are not interested, then the eyes contract. I would then point out in a humorous way that right about now their pupils are wider than when the conversation first started.
Just throw a joke saying “Thanks at least for showing interest in me. Either you find me interesting or your a damn good liar, but usually the eyes don’t lie“.
That’s it. It is very basic, but this person will now remember you for a very long time. You provided them with value. They can use this new learned skill on others and benefit to some degree.
Obviously you can’t do this on everyone, but more often than not, people find it fun and relaxing, AND they get convinced that YOU DO interest them. Thats what you want right? People to be interested in you. So try it out.
Even if you messed up on showing how the eyes move, just be confident and smile when delivering the ending. It will do the trick.
Talk soon
Tags: how to be interesting
By Grum on Oct 22, 2008
Great read.
I love how you say that if you want others to take interest in you then you have to be interesting.
Never thought about that, thank you so much and keep it up.
By Romee on Oct 22, 2008
Nice trick with the eyes. Love it!!!!!
By Dan on Oct 22, 2008
u r talking alot about value. i think i am getting the point. give and you shall receive
By Lori on Oct 22, 2008
ok you got me convinced on this blog.
By Bawar on Oct 22, 2008
definitely starting to feel like a confident nerd. just dont quit on me, keep the blog going
By DS on Oct 22, 2008
i need to learn how to be different b/c i am one of those guys who are easily forgotten or seen as boring. this helps though. thanks mate
By Erin on Oct 22, 2008
i like how you end the conversation, its a killer. i am going to see if i can get the same results
By Schwatz on Oct 22, 2008
how do you explain the eyes movement in a fun way?
By Dan on Oct 22, 2008
@Schwatz: Do want that darren guy does in the video askign people to say 5 facts with one being a lie. watch the video.
By Romee on Oct 22, 2008
Yea the video trick is neat, but really I think what Atif said about the ending is what matters. make em laugh.
By DJH on Oct 22, 2008
will this be a continued topic on how to create good conversation?
I would love to have all these skills and WOW people
By Monks on Oct 22, 2008
great read, im gonna try this next time im at the dinner table.
By PIA on Oct 22, 2008
I enjoyed this very much and must say your writing is quite the joy to read.
By atiff on Oct 23, 2008
Thanks for the great feedback everyone. And yes the goal is to keep the blog alive and healthy. I will talk more about these kinds of topics where you could create interesting conversation with others.
@Schwatz: do what Dan does in the video, or come up with something else.
But Romee is right, if you can learn to end it on a funny note it will do the job.
By Yuri on Oct 23, 2008
excellent post. talented.
By Marshall - bondChristian on Oct 23, 2008
Hi,
I just found you through a comment you left at the positivity blog a few days ago.
Great post here. I really enjoy reading what others have to say on this topic. I particularly like what you said about being interesting being a consistant part of you. It can’t just be a line here or there of humor. You have to adopt an interesting lifestyle. That’s wonderful.
It seems like this topic is going around. I did a seven part series on it last week. Much of what you say here, is mirrored in the series. Check it out on my blog if you’re interested. And again, thanks for the post.
- Marshall
By atiff on Oct 23, 2008
@Marshall: Thanks for the compliment. I will see to check out your site also as it does seem interesting. I guess great minds think alike
Keep up the good work.
By Jay T on Oct 23, 2008
Read the article and I am still here, but i agree, if u r boring, then BE GONE
By New on Oct 24, 2008
just found the site, already loving it. keep going
By Omero on Oct 24, 2008
I am also new here and so far this blog looks neat. fresh ideas and I look forward to growing with everyone else
By johnlazy on Oct 24, 2008
wow I’ve learned something new thanks! maybe i can use the trick also
By yn on Oct 25, 2008
I really enjoyed this article.
just one question, if you are single and are trying this with another single person… then wouldn’t all that staring into their eyes make them feel as though you might be trying to flirt with them? can anything be done to avoid this situation?
By atiff on Oct 26, 2008
@yn: In all honesty, this approach can create attraction, because subconsciously you are planting a thought in the other person that they like you. Its a bit sneaky. If you don’t want to do that, then I would not use the approach. I would only use it on people who wouldn’t take the wrong meaning.
I will write lots more articles on this topic on how to be interesting in the future, so I am sure you can benefit from those.
By Katie on Oct 29, 2008
all i can say is “be interesting or be gone” - great tips!!