In this article I will educate you about the concept of ‘Personal Power‘ and how it plays a vital role in developing a confident identity. To some people this concept may seem a bit disturbing because they hear the word ‘Power’ and freak out. Just stay calm, and don’t prejudge until you have read the whole article. Lets begin shall we?

Nobody likes to feel powerless. Personally speaking, I prefer to ALWAYS stay in control of what I am doing, otherwise I start feeling uncomfortable and even nervous.

So what exactly is ‘Personal Power’? In lame terms, it is the energy that you are sending to yourself and others that demonstrate yourself as a person of power (also known as a person of high value). Either you are conveying power (you are in control) or you are conveying lower value (you are not in control). Obviously the range of control or power can vary, but the concept remains true. Someone always has the upper hand in the game.

Take for example the concept of driving a car. Obviously the driver is more in control of the direction that the car is headed towards as compared to the passenger. Similarly when you engage yourself with others, there is always someone who has more power (higher value) than others.

This is also one of those themes which I will talk about frequently in this blog. The basic idea is to convey as much power as possible when dealing with other people. Preferably you want to have the highest social value whenever possible.

I will provide you with two strategies which if implemented correctly can boost your perceived value around others. Make sure you practice them and incorporate them into your lifestyle. Once that happens, you will just naturally convey confidence and POWER.

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Strategy #1 - Take Up LOTS of Space

This is what powerful people do. They take up lots of space to demonstrate they are very comfortable. This can be done in pretty much everything that you do. Whether it is sitting or standing, just remember to lean back and spread out. Wherever you happen to be, make sure you OWN the real estate.

People with low confidence tend to take up very little space. As a matter of fact, you can see this everywhere. Not only do these people lean in when presenting themselves to others, but they also keep their feet and arms close to their body demonstrating low self value. I guess these people are scared to take up other peoples space.

I know this sounds basic, but it is very powerful. Don’t be afraid to take up lots of space, even if it is not your property. Let others know that you are very comfortable in your skin.

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Strategy #2 - Speak Slowly

Most people do not speak slow, and those that do are usually mentally challenged. All of us need to learn to slow it down when speaking. This sounds easy doesn’t it? Believe me, it is not easy.

Speaking slowly conveys a sense of confidence and it captivates your listeners. Seriously, this is one of those concepts that you will find mentioned in every book but it is hard to explain. Just take my word for it and practice speaking slowly. Make sure you do not sound like a robot speaking in mono tone mode. You want to speak slowly, loud and with emotions so it almost sounds melodic (I said almost, do not start singing your speech).

Another trick to really sound powerful while speaking is to practice pausing. While you are saying something, just pause and hold eye contact. Give the pause 2-3 seconds and then continue on. This is a killer trick which when combined with a slow pace of speech will create an almost hypnotic effect on others.

Remember I mentioned in an earlier article that people don’t listen, but instead they wait to talk? Guess what talking slowly does? That’s right, it forces them to pay greater attention to you.

Another thing you should know is that speaking fast conveys lack of confidence. It is like as if you are afraid that somebody will interrupt you and not let you continue talking. Get it?

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In conclusion, you now have two great weapons that you can learn to use immediately. DO NOT confuse these with basic body language tricks. The above two strategies are very effective and need to be perfected. I will be touching on similar concepts over and over again so worry not.

Until Next Time

Atiff Rizwani

Tags: Personal Power and Authority

I’m guessing you want people to like you right? Actually what you really should get good at is the art of having others impressed by you. Think about how cool that feeling would be. Once you finish talking to someone and leave, they are thinking “wow, that was interesting”. It’s all about the WOW factor.

If you don’t want to develop a personality like that then just stop reading, and go back to whatever you were doing. No big deal.

Good, so you are somewhat interested in what I have to say. Let me throw a quick example at you.

If a person tells one joke and makes others laugh, then people will attribute the laughter to the fact that the joke was funny. Now, if the same person keeps telling several jokes and they are all funny, what is the conclusion? THE PERSON IS FUNNY. It is no longer the the joke that gets the credit, but it’s the person who is labeled funny. (credit: mystery).

The above example is given just to make it clear that you can’t expect people to take interest in you based on just a line here or a tactic there. It has to be done in various combinations and flow smoothly.

Bottom line is this. If you want people to take interest in you, then you have to develop an interesting personality. Remember I talked about the need to be different than the average person? This is one of the central theme which will run throughout this blog, so get used to it.

I will now finally start providing good examples on what I know and do personally when talking with others.

Here is a very basic example of what could be said to lighten the mood during a conversation. Keep in mind that there is no such thing as one size fits all type of method. Don’t worry, once you start learning what I teach, you will develop a sense of understanding about what to say to the different types of people. You will become VERSATILE.

Seriously, don’t stress over it, give it some time.

Example:

Say that I am having a conversation with someone I don’t know too well, but I want this person to have positive feelings towards me. I find myself in this situation every so often where I might see some value in the other person that could prove to be beneficial (relax, a value can be anything, even the fact that they make me laugh).

I will paraphrase how the conversation would take place and provide pointers, and yes it is because I don’t feel like typing everything.

My goal during the conversation is to provide some sort of value which the other person can appreciate. This way I can bet that they wont forget me.

Anyways, I would use the following method to lower their guard against me. Feel free to copy it and change it to fit your personality. I don’t mind.

Somewhere during the conversation with this person, I would simply ask:
“Hey are you right handed?“.

The other person would usually respond with either a “Yes” or “No”. People rarely ask “why” and if they do, just say “I’m just curious“.

So once I get my answer, I would say “I knew it, I can tell that based on how you are moving your eyes while talking to me” Or you could even say “You fit the description based on your eye movements“.

The point is just to create curiosity with this person.

Before I continue, let me give you a quick 101 on eye movements. This is just a simple trick that works about 70% of the time. Its main purpose is to entertain, not to provide an educational certificate.

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People have certain patterns to their eye movements. A right handed person USUALLY (not always) has the following characteristics:

If the eyes are looking up - They are visualizing

• Up and to the left
  Visually constructed images (such as imagining a purple cow)
• Up and to the right
  Visually remembered images (such as their first bicycle)

If the eyes look horizontally to the left and right - They are remembering or constructing sounds

• To the left
  Auditory constructed (such as remembering how their mother used to sing)
• To the right
  Auditory remembered (such as how their mother would sound if she talked like a cartoon character)

If the eyes look down and to their left - They are accessing their feelings.

If the eyes look down and to the right - They are talking to themselves

The left and right pattern can be reversed since people are different. But usually people always look up for visualizing, and when they are remembering sounds the eyes move either to the right or left. When they are talking to themselves the eyes are usually always looking down.

Based on this information you can have fun with people if you can figure out their eyes movement pattern. This can easily be done during a normal conversation. You can just throw questions at them and watch their eyes move. For more information on this you can check out the following three sites.

Great video of Darren catching people lying
Basic run through on eye movements
Another article if you care to read

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Fact Check:
You can tell if people are interested in you by their eyes. They tend to widen and the pupil size increases. The opposite is true if they find you boring.

Back to our conversation.

After I give the person a few fun lessons on how the eye movements work (such as if people are lying, see video link above), I usually would end it in a manner that makes the person laugh.

Quick note: remember to not sound boring or heavily detailed. It’s just a fun conversation.

Finally I would end it by saying that usually when people show interest in you, their eyes widen and pupil size increases, but if they are not interested, then the eyes contract. I would then point out in a humorous way that right about now their pupils are wider than when the conversation first started.

Just throw a joke saying “Thanks at least for showing interest in me. Either you find me interesting or your a damn good liar, but usually the eyes don’t lie“.

That’s it. It is very basic, but this person will now remember you for a very long time. You provided them with value. They can use this new learned skill on others and benefit to some degree.

Obviously you can’t do this on everyone, but more often than not, people find it fun and relaxing, AND they get convinced that YOU DO interest them. Thats what you want right? People to be interested in you. So try it out.

Even if you messed up on showing how the eyes move, just be confident and smile when delivering the ending. It will do the trick.

Talk soon

Tags: how to be interesting

If you can develop a personality, stay open minded and become good at people skills, then I can guarantee you that you will get along with 90% of people out there.

That is pretty much all it takes for others to like you. Now don’t get me wrong, it does take work to develop these characteristics, but worry not, I will help you get there step by step.

It’s all about baby steps.

In this article I will briefly show you some ways you can easily develop rapport with people. All that means is that you are able to get along with other people as soon as you meet them. This is a neat skill to have, but does take time to be really good at (then again what doesn’t?), but eventually this will become part of your natural character.

Here is the formula to develop rapport. Please memorize it because it sums up everything I will talk about.

RAPPORT = TRUST + COMFORT

As people, we are all selfish. If you show me a group picture of myself and others, who do you think I will look for first in the picture? Me off course. Similarly, when you meet people, just remember that it is NOT ABOUT YOU and ALL ABOUT THEM. This is such a basic rule that I can’t believe I am writing about it (maybe because people still don’t get it).

Another thing you need to keep in mind in order to stand out is that people are very good at remembering (even exaggerating) negative or really positive experiences. What that means is that anything considered somewhat good or average will be easily forgotten. The goal is always to STAND OUT from the crowd.

You do know that first impression is critical because it is very difficult to change someone’s impression about you after the initial meeting? With that in mind, you need to learn to create powerful first impressions.

The basics of this can be done through:

• Looking clean and good
• Solid handshake (if needed)
• Smiling
• Confident body language
• Eye contact
• Speaking in a clear and loud enough voice tone

The whole art of body language will be something I will write more on. The basics are very easy. Stand straight, don’t lean into the other person, look the person in the eye and project a clear & loud voice so the other person can hear you. Do these things while looking calm, relax and with a smile on your face. Try not to look goofy or fake.

If the other person intimidates you, just convince yourself that you are the one who writes their paycheck (more on mind games in future articles).

This is how I see the process of meeting someone and quickly building rapport:

1. Impress the person you are meeting
2. Show interest in the person by focusing on them
3. Leave on a memorable note.

The above three steps will create comfort & trust and satisfy the rapport formula.

Everything I have mentioned above is incredibly basic, yet you would be surprised at how big percentage of people don’t know it. Lets us now slightly build on the above information.

If you really want people to remember you then you can’t be using the same robotic approaches/methods that others do. You have to have some uniqueness in your style and approach which people will appreciate.

In simple words, lets say you meet a person. Within 5 seconds you have already been judged, so if you followed the above advice on creating powerful first impressions, then the judgment should be in your favor.

Next you have to show some interest in the person. You have to make sure that you are either sincere or a really good actor. I recommend being sincere although good acting skills are always nice to have.

When showing interest in the other person, asking them questions is generally the easiest way to go about doing it as this creates conversation. However, you can’t ask anything. The questions have to be non-intriguing and should make the other person think before giving you a answer.

You don’t want to receive canned/robotic answers because that is very average.

Here are some topic suggestions to talk about when creating a conversation.

• Talk about what is important to the other person and show interest in it.
• Talk about a similar interest that you both share.
• Talk about common enemies
• Give value (meaning teach them something cool, or impress them with some new beneficial knowledge)

When you are done the conversation, you have to leave on a memorable note.  You want the person to remember you by name and associate positive feelings to you.  I will talk about this in more details, but for now you can do this:

Refer to the other person using their name, take something interesting from the conversation and give a compliment to show the other person that they fascinated you.

Wow, this article contains a lot of theory and I purposely kept it this way. Now that you understand the basics of building rapport, I can talk about how to give value, tell amazing stories, intrigue & fascinate people etc in future articles. And yes, I promise to give real examples, so until then, suck it up.

Talk soon.

Tags: Building Rapport